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I had a pretty vanilla understanding of things until that point. It took a lot of trial and error. I had a partner that I would practice things on.

If I got a new toy like a new paddle or the violet wand, I was like. We're all really good, and a lot of clients are always very like welcoming too, if there's something that I haven't tried before, them being someone I could practice on.

My Master's is interdisciplinary. I did gender studies and African studies. My undergraduate is also in women's studies, so I was already on a trajectory of being pretty big into feminism, and became much more leftist, and anti-capitalist.

I took a lot of really awesome classes around queer theory, and critical sexuality. Several of the books that I use when I have people read them are actually books that I read in school.

In terms of trajectory, domming hasn't replaced where I thought I would be. I knew I wanted to get my Master's to be in a nonprofit, and work in that way professionally.

I'm doing those things, it just also coincided in grad school with talking more about Black women's sexuality, and the challenges that Black women face in being sexual.

I was reading about those things alongside growing as a domme because I had a lot of curiosity. And as I did more school, I started to see that there are a lot more parallels in all aspects of my life.

I was like, "Oh, there are interesting themes going on with the things that I'm doing. Now it kind of propagated, but it coexists alongside my vanilla professional life, as well.

It's certainly fluid within it, but I'm not in a nonprofit that's focused on things around sex work. I do a lot of contract workshops and stuff in the city, not as Mistress Velvet, and then I talk about sex work.

It took me forever. I always tell people the hardest part of my Master's thesis was coming up with a title. I'm really not good at coming up with names for things.

I don't know how long it took me between the time where I was like, "OK, I'm gonna need to make a persona, to use a name," and the time that I actually came up with a name.

But I remember the day — I was on my couch reading heavy theory, and kind of bored, and I had gotten some really fancy lotions.

I was rubbing my legs in the lotion while reading, and I was like, "Oh, my skin's kind of like velvet, or like chocolate.

I was like, "My skin's velvet, let's go with that. It's definitely sometimes unreal. I think about [how] my professional life in the nonprofit is going really well, but there's also circumstances of being in very white spaces.

For example, even if I'm at my job, everyone's a woman, but when I first started working there I was the only person of color.

I'm just constantly thinking about race, and constantly thinking about being a woman, or being femme, and my place in these sort of contexts.

I certainly have to think about race, [which is] in some ways very heightened, in sessions, but also I don't have to think about it because I getting to really just exert power, in this almost kind of fantastical [way] — like it's a fantasy for both of us, you know.

In the real world, maybe your goal is to move up in the nonprofit, and in the dungeon my goal is to have complete ownership and power over the CEO.

They're kind of different circumstances, but I think coming from the same place of this eternal desire to combat different oppressions.

I think it's almost cartoonish, the kind of experiences I have as a domme, in terms of what that power dynamic looks like. It's a very exaggerated power dynamic, but its roots I think for me, emotionally, are coming from a need of being tired of navigating oppression, and wanting to feel some sort of power that's in my hands, even if it's just for one hour.

Yeah, I also don't want to romanticize it — it's also a lot of work and you get a lot really shitty things said to you.

You still have 24 hours to change your mind, so you may want to wait before getting this shot. No turning back now!

Not for you! Lie down on the bench and rest. I lay down. I suddenly felt enormously tired. She seemed to be a long way away. I was not aware of falling asleep, or of sleeping at all, but I must have, because I suddenly woke up.

I was in a different room, which I did not recognize. Time must have passed. I was lying on a stretcher.

I had some kind of jacket on. When I tried to sit up, I found I was held down. And my arms were held across my chest by the jacket. I realized it was a strait jacket, strapped tight.

I realized I was naked under the canvas jacket. You have been asleep for 24 hours. We have put you in a lunatic restraint, a strait jacket, as a precaution.

We put you in it while we were transporting you here, while you were asleep, just in case you woke up early.

I am your Supervisor. You are now at our Farm. This is where you will serve out the terms of your contract. As you recall, you agreed to the training course that we have devised.

Our course is designed to harden males physically, reduce their weight to a value proper for a healthy male, and to modify their male impulses as required for the service of women.

For new entrants, this means we need to use methods which require some degree of compulsion. And that includes you, Peter!

We therefore have the legal right to use enforcement. And we intend to! And have not been exercising much. All our inmates are overweight and unfit when they arrive.

We remedy that gradually, and with care, so that our men become as lean and strong, as males are naturally intended to be.

But our Society provides more improvement than purely physical. We modify male attitudes, and make males into good slaves of women.

Any male can be a bad slave. We train males to be good slaves! I still felt sleepy. I must surely be hallucinating from the drug. I could not believe what I was hearing.

What on earth was she talking about? Male slaves? Time for me to straighten this out….. Miss Supervisor? I was immediately silent.

She was quite frightening when she spoke like that! She was very angry! She took a breath. I did not dare move.

I could not, anyway, in the strait jacket. She was clearly angry. Please excuse my anger. But of course you are new here, and do not know our rules. But, please, just be quiet.

She went on. We mean real slaves, not pretend slaves. We therefore seek out suitable men, men who are able to make the needed financial and time commitment, and we then train them to be slaves.

REAL slaves. You have been selected, Peter. You are now an inmate, and you will now, in your turn, be trained to be a slave.

Your weight loss will be attained, although it is just a small part of your training here. And I preferred rewarding him with praise and permission to touch me rather than punishing him, mainly because humiliating him with verbal abuse didn't arouse me.

He wanted to be spanked and insulted so he would push until I had no choice but to retaliate. To stop his bratty behavior, I put him on time out: I refused any contact with him.

He couldn't see me. No phone calls. No texts. He wasn't allowed to service me. He hated this type of punishment because it left him without order, without purpose.

Despite all of this, I still felt like I had no idea what I was doing — but I was learning. I watched more videos online, joined FetLife an online community dedicated to sexual fetishes , found a mentor through Twitter, and asked questions.

Through FetLife, I learned that the local men who were masters or dominants were almost all white and the language in their profiles frequently set off my internal racist alarms.

I saw one man with a picture of a Confederate flag belt buckle he used for flogging. The most popular local club, or "professional dungeon," lists in its code of conduct that "respect should always be accorded to every individual…" but when I'd see the expected attendees for gatherings, I'd cringe at how few people of color seemed to be present.

There were some black men who were doms, but based on their profiles, they were masters of primarily white women. If I'd reached out to them, I think I would've been ignored or rejected.

I didn't feel like I'd be safe or respected if I tried to attend one of the gatherings — not as someone new to the life and definitely not as a black woman.

I tried to find local black women dommes, but the majority of the black women I found were subs and slaves, who subjected themselves to race play — being called nigger, or acting as maids or breeders.

The few dommes I did see were fairly hardcore, their profiles filled with images of them in latex and stacked heels, whips gleaming in their hands.

I was too intimidated to approach them for mentorship. And I knew that wasn't the kind of domme I wanted to be. So I lived online, researching how to handle male subs.

I asked my male friends to tell me ways they'd like to be punished, if they would allow themselves the freedom of being submissive.

Because that's one of the many things I'd discovered as my relationship with Baby Sub continued: All he had to do was wait for me to give him instructions, wait to serve.

There's something very freeing about that. Meanwhile I had to put him on a schedule — when to wake up, when to contact me, when to go to bed.

I had to tell him what to wear, distribute punishments and rewards, figure out ways he could be of service. Imagine being a teacher and creating lesson plans then grading all day, every day, without break.

It was slightly exhausting; his need to be controlled was controlling me. Being someone's mistress was more work than I'd anticipated, and I was no longer sure how sustainable it was for me.

Soon our schedules were in conflict, and it became a chore to see each other. I also began to resent how it felt like his need for a domme was taking over my life.

He began to throw more tantrums, upset at the lack of time we were spending together. My knee-jerk reaction, habit from my more traditional relationships, was to try to give him what he wanted.

Then I'd remember, I'm the domme here; not this pouty brat who needed more attention than I could give. And I decided that I didn't have to put up with his attempts to manipulate me into giving him what he wanted.

So I told him to move on and find someone more willing to devote the time he clearly needed. Since then, I've started a new relationship that follows more traditional roles, but there are parts of myself that playing a domme unleashed that can't be bottled up again.

I'm much more confident voicing displeasure, as well as satisfaction. Being with Baby Sub gave me permission to explore parts of myself I'd previously denied and now I feel comfortable revisiting those areas in subsequent relationships.

I've also learned that when people call it a lifestyle, they really mean it. Taking on dominant and submissive roles is so much more than tying someone up or wanting to be spanked.

It can consume you, and you must be ready to handle the responsibilities that come with your positions.

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